Dear diary
7/5/2020
Dear Diary,
I can't believe it's this cold for a day in July, but the president says global cooling will only get worse if we don't lower the cap on Co2 emissions. I'm all for saving the planet but my electric bill is already over $700.00 per month. I guess even higher taxes is the only way we can really control the weather though.
And it looks like I won't be able to see my doctor for another 6 months, at least. The government hit the debt ceiling again and can't pay any of the bills. Now that the Chinese won't lend us any more money, the president says the federal reserve will have to monetize our debt. Well I don't know what that means, but he says it will pump more money into circulation and that's always good I guess. The president says the Chinese are mean and greedy now that they're rich capitalists. Anyway, he says we're so far in debt that the only way we can even pay the interest on it is to have the government give out more money. I sure am glad we have smart people in office because I would have never thought of that. If only we had more money for our publick schools maybe the would have taught me about that stuff.
My Spanish lessons are coming along nicely. My teacher says I'm starting to sound just like every other American! I even feel like I belong here now. And when I finally do go back to the doctor's office, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to fill out all the payment forms without any help.
Oh and I've got my eye on a new car. Yep, the Chevy celery stalk. It has a range of 20 miles and goes up to 35 miles per hour on the highway. My wife doesn't like it because it's so expensive, but it's union made, so I figure it's worth the $95,000.00 sticker price. Besides, there's a tax rebate of $75,000.00 on it so it's not that bad. I just hope I don't hit a deer in it.
Those deer are way overpopulated here ever since the Feinstein-Boxer omnibus child safety and adorable furry animal equality and anti-scary looking gun act was passed. But guns and hunting had to be outlawed to stop the holicost against animals every year. Just as soon as the government can pass a law to make more money, they'll hire veterinarians to catch the deer and move them to forests. They'll probably get eaten by coyotes or bears, but that's natural and sustainable so it's good. Besides, I'll be safe in the car. the government mandated automatic seat belts, helmets, knee pads, mouth pieces and jock straps. The car just puts them all on! And it has a dash cam with a live feed into the police station in case I forget something.
Well I have to get going. I need to take my obesity pill and get some rest now. Tomorrow I think I'll go see Michael Moore's new documentary: "How I got filthy rich bashing capitalism".
Dear Diary,
I can't believe it's this cold for a day in July, but the president says global cooling will only get worse if we don't lower the cap on Co2 emissions. I'm all for saving the planet but my electric bill is already over $700.00 per month. I guess even higher taxes is the only way we can really control the weather though.
And it looks like I won't be able to see my doctor for another 6 months, at least. The government hit the debt ceiling again and can't pay any of the bills. Now that the Chinese won't lend us any more money, the president says the federal reserve will have to monetize our debt. Well I don't know what that means, but he says it will pump more money into circulation and that's always good I guess. The president says the Chinese are mean and greedy now that they're rich capitalists. Anyway, he says we're so far in debt that the only way we can even pay the interest on it is to have the government give out more money. I sure am glad we have smart people in office because I would have never thought of that. If only we had more money for our publick schools maybe the would have taught me about that stuff.
My Spanish lessons are coming along nicely. My teacher says I'm starting to sound just like every other American! I even feel like I belong here now. And when I finally do go back to the doctor's office, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to fill out all the payment forms without any help.
Oh and I've got my eye on a new car. Yep, the Chevy celery stalk. It has a range of 20 miles and goes up to 35 miles per hour on the highway. My wife doesn't like it because it's so expensive, but it's union made, so I figure it's worth the $95,000.00 sticker price. Besides, there's a tax rebate of $75,000.00 on it so it's not that bad. I just hope I don't hit a deer in it.
Those deer are way overpopulated here ever since the Feinstein-Boxer omnibus child safety and adorable furry animal equality and anti-scary looking gun act was passed. But guns and hunting had to be outlawed to stop the holicost against animals every year. Just as soon as the government can pass a law to make more money, they'll hire veterinarians to catch the deer and move them to forests. They'll probably get eaten by coyotes or bears, but that's natural and sustainable so it's good. Besides, I'll be safe in the car. the government mandated automatic seat belts, helmets, knee pads, mouth pieces and jock straps. The car just puts them all on! And it has a dash cam with a live feed into the police station in case I forget something.
Well I have to get going. I need to take my obesity pill and get some rest now. Tomorrow I think I'll go see Michael Moore's new documentary: "How I got filthy rich bashing capitalism".
posted by Jason E. Peck at 3:52 PM
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